Average Vampires

Something has really been bugging me.

Are there no homely vampires, or are homely vampires just under represented in the media? Is there some poor, unattractive vampire scrolling through pinterest in the wee hours, judging herself, and wondering why there aren’t more images of “real” vampires? And what about plus size vampires? Does becoming undead drop dress sizes, or are we just missing the portly portion of the vampire populace, because media executives think we only want to see vampires that fit a narrow window of what they consider to be attractive?

Where are all of the average vampires?

Perhaps the problem is deeper. Perhaps the vampires themselves are only choosing victims from casting calls for CW shows. This kind of discrimination is truly bothersome. Who do they think they are? It’s like they’re running an undead eugenics experiment. I, for one think that a wider variety of shapes and sizes could only benefit the vampire public image. I personally wouldn’t want to be turned into an unholy member of the undead, doomed to live a solitary existence, fearful of my peers, doomed watch everyone I love die, while I continue on, if meant that I was also going to be discriminated against by members of my nest based on my jeans size. What kind of un-life is that?

It turns out that I’m not the only one who’s losing sleep over this. Go ahead. Google “fat vampire.” I really think that the council, or king, or whoever is in charge of the vampires, needs to address this. They have a platform that could do a lot of good, for themselves, and other creatures of the magical, fictional character community.

While they’re at it, if they could address this whole sparkly vampire issue that would be great. That myth needs to be put to bed. Some poor, new, average vampire is likely to deal with his self esteem issues by covering himself with Victoria’s Secret body glitter, walking out into the sun and torching himself. Vampire un-lives are at stake, here.

Stake. Ha. I hope vampires aren’t offended by puns.

#media #Vampire